Every moment, a gift.

I am not entirely sure when I really understood that we are not promised tomorrow or even really the next hour…

It may have been with the death of my beloved Gram. She was there, always there when I needed her. Until the knock on the door, the news that she’d died very suddenly without warning in the night.

Maybe it was going through the many deaths of high school students in my first social work job after Hope College. The loss of Gram gave me empathy for the students I met who grappled with the instant losses of friends, whether through car accidents, unknown illness and other reasons. I understood the shock on their faces, the anger, inability to understand a sudden, mortal reality and the pain of things left undone.

Yes, I really began to understand it then. But on a September night 25 years ago, the reality of our mortality hit me like a tsunami and I’ve never been the same.

A boy I loved, some extremely poor decisions by others and the instant death of 3 people taught me both how very fragile our time on the earth is and how every moment is a gift.

I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that my beliefs are also wrapped in the fact that I do not believe in entitlement. We just are not really entitled to anything as we live here. Not our health, our livelihood, our loved ones. I personally am not entitled to walk across a room like everyone else. But that I can walk at all? Well, THAT, like everything else I am given, is a gift.

My breath, my heartbeat, and my health. The sun on my face and the rolling clouds. My marriage and healthy, amazing kids. That I get to learn more about trauma and treating it every day; that I get to hear people’s hardest moments, deepest fears and greatest difficulties? Gifts, along with the moments of change, triumph and peace that come with the hard work of engaging in counseling. That those enduring unimaginable loss tell me that they feel hope? Gifts.

My son strumming Blackbird on his guitar or asking me to go for a ride in the Jeep he rebuilt? My daughter giggling with friends while making cookies or learning a new TikTok Dance? The love of some of the best teachers on the planet? Absolute gifts. Trying on homecoming dresses and having your older sister join the fun just because? A lightning show and pouring down rain? My oldest soaring to new heights as her life continues to unfold. The look on my love’s face, well, anytime? GIFTS. 

You may think I am sappy or really sentimental and emotional…or shake your head with bitterness, “must be nice Stacy.”

Here’s the truth. This perspective for me is the real deal, because I see, hear and experience the hardest moments and absolutely, don’t want to take a moment for granted.

I had a few very hard days this summer when I honestly wasn’t sure if my muscles were going to calm down and stop spasming. I was scared and longed for peace. Thankfully, thanks be to God, they did. But even as I am still re-learning how to walk, I am so grateful for how I came through those days. Even when I am irritated that I am STILL re-learning, I must return to gratitude that my muscles are not hurting at the level of those days, currently.

Though it will sound cliché and a lot like the chorus of an Aerosmith song, I really don’t want to miss a thing. I don’t want to miss a minute of my son’s senior year because there is a drumbeat telling me how fast this time goes. I don’t want to begrudge these hot days (even with, ahem…hot flashes,) because I am all too aware of the cold that will come here in Michigan. The late nights waiting for teens to get home, the moments with aging family members. I don’t have enough time for it all, I can’t be present enough and yet, I don’t want to miss anything about the people God has blessed me with, the life I am given and the moments…that all matter.

Before you think me as that idyllic mom or human, know this. It is not perfect. I expect too much sometimes, lose my shit in other moments and make big mistakes. I say or do the wrong thing, struggle with my own insecurities and get impatient. (We all wish we could miss those moments!)

Yet, the not missing those either is this: I get to be humble, apologize to my sweet family and give them a model of a really human mama. I get to pray with them, ask forgiveness and learn from them. We get to testify to the fact that grace abounds, that God’s grace IS SUFFICIENT and that HE is the giver of every good and perfect gift.

I always dreamed of raising kids in way that these were not just things we said, but instead, the real life reality among us. I am so profoundly grateful that I think we have.

We love people, believe in the good, life-giving presence of Jesus and because of it, every moment truly IS, A GIFT.

I don’t know where life finds you as you read this post. Maybe some roll their eyes and think I am saccharine. Maybe others have met us and see some version of this or DON’T. Maybe my hope and belief in the good makes you angry because, you think it is BS. And still others might wholeheartedly agree.

Whichever it is, or maybe another altogether, I want you to know, I think you are a gift. I pray you see, feel and know how important you are to others and to GOD himself. I pray you experience gifts every moment, the blessings and love of others, the sovereignty of Jesus and the hope of all that is yet to come.

I think I hear Aerosmith playing in the background….

Both/And

XOXO