Washington DC/Pennsylvania (Part 7)

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” AA Milne, as heard from Winnie the Pooh.

Have you ever been to a place that seeps into your being, because of both the place and the people and the experience with them? THAT was Washington for all of us, low expectations because we were just excited to go, the gift of time was the only expectation and then we could be blow away by the goodness. THAT WAS OUR WHOLE WEEK and THAT was also the hard goodbye. None of us will ever forget the blessings…and it was time to head home.

We packed up and left out of our beautiful condo in Alexandria in order to visit the Fred Rogers Institute on the campus of St Vincent’s College on the way home.

My family was more than grace-giving during this trip. I have wanted to visit the exhibit for years and as it turned out, they were closed on our way here. It was a given, amongst my kids and husband that we “go on the way back.” I could’ve begged or even “guilted” them a bit if need be, but here’s the thing…my sweet husband and kids were so excited to go, WITH ME. They explained how they KNEW how important is to me and they WANTED to share in that. I don’t know how it is with you and your spouse and kids, but that moment of “wanting to WITH ME,” blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. I didn’t have to drag them, guilt or beg them or feel guilty myself that my wanting to go was something to be endured. They gave me the gift of being excited with and for me….

Isn’t this so like Jesus?

In all the trillions of gifts he provides to each of us, he does so just BECAUSE HE LOVES US. I do not believe it is always the physical things, though I wonder if he loves our delight in some of those, much like I absolutely delight in my kids delight when we find a gift that truly blesses them and awakens THEIR delight. My friend Ross is a “car guy,” his words. I believe whole-heartedly, that God LOVES Ross’s interest and “love” for all things car related,” though God himself really has no need for “cars.” My friend Rachel, makes THE BEST chocolate cake! For others, it is a deep, deep love of animals, others sew; for still others perhaps reading, writing, crafting, hunting, antiquing, gardening, traveling, making music, hiking…the list could go forever. I believe, the joy I experience as a parent by delighting my kids in all sorts of ways, is in the image of our magnificent creator who can and DOES bless ALL of US in so, so many ways. I think he then just wants our loving hearts to pour back into HIM.

THAT is the picture my family gave to me as we sought out the hidden gem that is the Fred Rogers Institute. They were just WITH me in my joy, wonder and gratitude for the life and work of Mr. Rogers.

They were excited with me as we found the building, tucked into a corner of a small college in Pennsylvaina. We entered on the bottom floor, a quiet, quiet, space that left us wondering for just a minute if we were indeed in the right place. While I took a quick potty break, my family began exploring…

“Mama, come here!” I heard my youngest daughter squeal/whisper. I rounded the corner toward her voice. S stood on her tip-toes, hugging a dinosaur that was painted in great detail, with all things, Mr. Rogers neighborhood. A lump caught in my throat as I looked at Trolley, King Friday XIII, Queen Sarah, Henrietta Pussycat, X the Owl, Lady Elaine Fairchilde, Daniel Tiger, and Grandpere. Each was depicted in beautiful detail along with Fred Rogers. I have watched and read everything I can and had previously seen this dinosaur somewhere on YouTube. It was the first of many sights sights on display here at the Institute that was better when seen in person.

“Mom, come here!” My oldest daughter called from behind another wall. I hugged the youngest who still held tight to the dino’s neck, then made my way to my sweet oldest. She smiled broadly at me, pointing to a plexiglass window in the wall below the words, “Mr. Rogers archive.” I peered in the window and drew in another breath. There, was THE castle from the land of make-believe! It was surrounded by other props, pictures, boxes labeled, “Fan mail,” other boxes with what looked to be clothing and accolades, including a huge framed “Forever stamp” of Mr. Rogers and King Friday XIII that was released by the USPS in March 2018. It was especially poignant because Mr. Rogers answered as many fan letters as he could and his wife said that he would love knowing there was a stamp made in his honor.

I stood at that window, looking around at Mr. Rogers legacy, so much more to come…I thought about the people committed to his belief, work and calling. How many had touched these very items, spent time with this man who just exuded good. How fitting and beautiful that God would allow that legacy to continue, here, on a small college campus…

We made our way to the second floor…

“Mom, look!” My son pointed across the stairway, where a huge picture of a smiling Mr. Rogers and another of my favorite quotes, welcoming visitors into the story of legacy.

I melted, a lot; for many reasons.

Mr. Rogers is NOT an idol to me…he is NOT Jesus. He was NOT perfect in his earthly life. He WAS driven to provide hope, truth and kindness to all. He laughed, worked, played, prayed and lived how I know the same Jesus desires me to attempt to live to. My admiration has everything to do with a connection to my own values about life, relationships, authenticity, empathy and how we treat ourselves and others. Talk less, care more. Listen, always. Be Yourself, feel your feelings. Let your life and value of others speak about who and how Jesus is.

To be here after so much study, full gratitude for this example of a life well-lived was SUCH a gift. And to be so loved by my gift of a family brought me to tears. But the best? The best moment was this: my nearly adult child, hugging me before I got to the entrance. She could see I was a bit overwhelmed, looking around, trying to take pictures and slowly take it all in. NOT, a both/and, I’m afraid.

“Mama, go wander, I will get the pictures.” She squeezed me tight.

Tears, already just below the surface, sprang to my eyes for an entirely different reason. “Babe, are you sure?” She squeezed me again and shook her head. “I will get it all, Mom. You just go look around.” She began taking pictures methodically with her phone. I stood for a moment, trying to figure out how I’d been given the gift of being “theirs.” Then smiling, I peered into a glass case and began to read letters, diplomas and accolades given to Mr. Rogers.

Pictures, memories, facts; guests of the show, props and then, the puppets! They looked so well loved and used. They were so familiar to me, both from my own growing up and from the many books, videos and documentaries I’ve watched. Lady Elaine Fairchilde, who is said to have borne a striking resemblance to his real-life sister, Nancy Crozier. Daniel who was in reality, Fred’s alter-ego, the closest personality in all the puppets to Fred’s own. Daniel, who is now, in new ways, teaching new generations of kids, parents and adults about feelings too. King Friday represented Fred’s authoritarian side, his sons even commented how if there was an issue at home, it was King Friday who spoke with the kids. Queen Sara was Joanne Rogers and the rest, all characters of Fred’s mind, all to teach children (and adults, secondarily) how to feel, cope, adapt, communicate and regulate.

I turned, the trolley behind me. I vividly remember the twinkle of the Trolley’s bells, the entrance of the Land of Make-Believe and scenes with the puppets. I remember the stop light, a video of the Crayola Factory, the aquarium. I remember the songs, the sweaters and shoes….

Mostly, I remember the tone of Mr. Rogers voice, the peace in his eyes and smile and how I felt like he spoke right to me. That was long before I came upon the documentary on a snowy Sunday (see previous post, 143). The impressions he left on so many of were just that way, a feeling, a sense that he cared. It is why, though so many will tease, mock or question his goodness, many, many more around the world recall a similar feeling to my own – acceptance and love. If you KNOW he loved the Lord, then you can connect the feeling to Jesus. But I believe many who may not know Jesus personally may have experienced HIS love and grace through Mr. Rogers own demeanor.

As I looked closely at the Trolley, I noticed my youngest, sitting “crisscross, applesauce” in front of a tv that was playing an episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. She was entranced! She told me later about ‘getting shots – learning about “being brave” from that episode. It was a joy to see her face, becoming familiar with his beloved Neighborhood. As I turned back to Trolley, my eyes settled on another clear plexiglass box with 4 sweaters in it, red, cream, green and purple. Another pair of his blue Sperry shoes sat on the floor of the box, just below the hand-knitted sweaters.

In my work with complex bereavement, items of clothing may take on extra meaning following a loss, whether complex or singular loss. Many times, a memorable piece of clothing becomes a transitional object and/or treasured representation of our loved one: a flannel shirt that Grandpa wore consistently, a shirt from Dad or Mom, a sweatshirt from a friend or sibling or even the shorts from a cousin that remind us of a loving free spirit. I have had the privilege of hearing and feeling the stories and the fabrics that belonged to a loved one that was made into a quilt, pillow or even teddy bear. It is powerful to hold, touch or even see the clothes that belonged to one so dear to us.

Though I never had the opportunity to meet Mr. Rogers in person, seeing those sweaters, this time VERY up close, felt like a visceral reminder of his life and personhood. I am sure I am not the only one who put my hand up to the box, whispered a prayer of thankfulness and nearly “felt” those beautiful sweaters.

Mr. Rogers, in his Lifetime Achievement Award speech (1997)

“All of us have special ones who have loved us into being.

Would you just take along with me 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are — those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life?

Ten seconds of silence.

I’ll watch the time.”

I wonder who that is for you…

I wonder when you think of the person you admire, or the ones who have wanted all the good for you, who comes to mind?

When I had soaked up every photo, fact and memory possible, I rounded up my sweet family for a few photos, thanked them profusely and we wandered back to the car. On the way out, two women wearing Mr. Rogers Institute t-shirts emerged from the office. My body contracted as we made eye-contact and I was immediately frustrated. It was as if the representation of Fred in these women turned me a bit tongue-tied. I tried to thank them for their work, explain what it meant to me, but really felt embarrassed and red-faced at my reaction. We said goodbye, I tried to whisper kind words to myself and then went on a hunt to find the campus bookstore, thinking their must be some memorabilia there that I needed.

Daughter and I went in, emerged with another book, a wooden version of Trolley and full hearts. I couldn’t ask for one bit more….

The ride home was bittersweet, filled with recalling experiences that were already memories, silly jokes, moments of surprise, some sad, some poignant and beautiful, all drenched and dripping with thankfulness.

I will hold it all dearly, trying to ever be aware of the world God has made that is so much more than my little corner. I will stretch, remember, advocate and attempt to see with the lens of awe how many people, both historically, in the present and the future who God has created and loves. I will look with wonder, humor and joy at architecture, entertainment. And I will hold with reverence the ways that honor, dedication and perseverance comes from the Lord himself. I hope to appreciate both nature and created things, the things I can’t comprehend and the things that just fill me because JESUS LOVES ME.

“ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Until next time, DC, Pennsylvania and Virginia. We can’t come back soon enough….

Both/And

xoxo