Tag Archive for: Faith

World Cerebral Palsy Day, 2024

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I find myself in a strange, yet lovely and new spot as I age. I am far more accepting of myself, the roles that I am called to, the ways these change like the tide and the ways they are beautifully and achingly the same. My role as “mom,” is ever-changing as my kids also age. With my oldest in college this year, my 17 year old son on the very brink of adulthood and my 13 year old daughter changing before my eyes, I would be remiss if I didn’t take an honest look at how I am changing as well…

They don’t need me the same ways they always have; they need me in different ways now. (By the way, THIS change is also wrought with both/and, the grief of changing family dynamics and the exhilarating moments of growth.)

Yes, I MUST acknowledge both/and as our family shifts a bit…otherwise, I forfeit the beauty and right-ness of God’s plans for all of our lives, rather than becoming bitter, fearful and sad at all the independence and therefore, change, that plays out in every moment of every day in our family.

There are other changes too…

I have been working for two full years with EMDR International (EMDRIA) to become a certified EMDR clinician, which will reach completion this week. Just as quickly, I will begin the process of becoming an approved consultant with this ground-breaking organization. As I look at the next chapter of this career I love dearly, I am focused on bringing continued perspective and growth to brave clients as well as assisting other therapists who also care deeply about complex trauma and the healing work of EMDR.

I am a part The Fred Rogers Educator’s Neighborhood for the next year as well. I am very honored to have been accepted by Fred Rogers Institute for this year long study. Along with a group of others who have been impacted by Mr. Rogers, we are together learning  how to utilize Mr. Rogers’ wealth of knowledge, study and perspective in many areas of child, family and  professional development. Though we have met only twice, I am so thankful to rub shoulders with others in the world who genuinely believe, like Mr. Rogers, that kindness really does change us all. And heavens, don’t we all need more kindness in the world?

As there always is in life, there are difficult adjustments too: this week, two significant deaths in our world. Though I specialize in grief and loss, it is still very personal when it happens to you or in your very personal corner of the world. Losses bring us to the opportunity (I say this so gently,) to look back, to grieve again or in new ways and to use losses to inform how we want to LIVE going forward.

There are new and enduring friendships, growth in so many areas as we have recently come home, again to the church that played such an important part of my life from age 14 – 24. God has stretched, challenged and blessed our family in profound ways in the process of leaving our former church, grief like I have never known in that process and the faithfulness of finding a new church community. It is both the biggest blessing to be cared for, to be vulnerable and to love and care for others in this new and not new church home.

Finally, there is the both/and as World Cerebral Palsy Day was observed on October 6, 2024.

It is a heart-wrenching thing, this part of my identity that I so wish wasn’t AND after many years of grappling with what it means for and about me, to find pride, hope and love for myself and fellow CP warriors. It is so holy to see, validate and celebrate the bad-ass-ness (I made that up, can you tell?) that comes with living with and caring for those with this disability. This week, a friend finally got to bring her son (who has CP) home from at least a month’s stay in the hospital for complications with seizures and other physical issues. I am stunned by her son’s (and her own) positive attitude after so much. For as much shame as I have carried and overcome in my lifetime around my own diagnosis with CP, it is gift to be able to smile and be proud on World CP Day.

Here’s the thing…God is not, will not and has never been surprised at the ways he created us, the things we do need to go manage here, apart from heaven and how we are limited in our humanity in the midst of these things. He IS with us, even if it feels like he absolutely IS NOT. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, ” The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Ohhhh, that’s such a hard one, isn’t it? We are so human in that feeling that says, “why does God put me through this? He COULD change _________________…..”

I hear it multiple times a day and my own reaction is understanding the question AND compassion. What I hear in that phrase, I immediately  think, “oh, he is NOT, putting you through it; he is holding you, as he himself hurts that this is happening too.”

I do not understand all the mystery that surrounds the what’s, how’s and whys that surround God and his sovereignty. I have been there too, crying in rage, frustration and desperation. I have also come to a place where there is more peace in releasing the whys to God’s care and fully trusting him anyway…

I suppose that is how, after many years, many feelings, many experiences and many prayers, I can joyfully put on my green World CP day t-shirt, raise a “cheers,” to my fellow bad-asses, and hold space for that rather than the negative.

I am curious, how are you experiencing change in this season? Maybe we can hold each up, give more care to ourselves and others and float on these crazy waves of change rather than fight them…

God, who is in it all, through it all and who holds it all together: Thank you for understanding our limits, frustration and even anger when things aren’t changing for the good. Thank you being near, always. May we seek your understanding, your heart and greater trust in your love and goodness. May we see ourselves and each other with your vision, compassion and desire for whole-ness. May we know love and joy as only you can give.

xoxo

Both/And

Deuteronomy 31:8

Ebenezer

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At the start of the year, for a reason that could only be the Holy Spirit, I came across many posts about “The Bible Recap.” There was ALOT of buzz about the podcast, the host and reading through the Bible in a year. I will NOT usually jump on the bandwagon if something is picking up popularity. Not because I don’t believe my friends or acquaintances, but because I don’t want to do something because I am caught up in the hype. I usually wait a few weeks or months (or even years) and then give something a try if I am at all interested. This is why I surprised myself when I downloaded it that same night that I was scrolling on social media and nearly everyone was posting about it.

“Who AM I?” I thought as I got the app and looked up the year long Bible reading plan. As it turns out, I was someone who needed exactly this…

I have always been searching for the backstory, especially in the Bible. I have loved Jesus since I was very small, but have never been able to chronologically read the Bible. I’ve read lots of parts of the Bible, (indeed taking some out of context, but not knowing how to figure the context out, exactly…) and very much struggle with understanding other parts. (I feel a little guilty saying that part…)

But as I began listening to the The Bible Recap, I found myself hearing the connections, all the way through every book and sentence of the Bible. The host, Tara-Leigh Cobble is fantastic about saying, “don’t get hung up on the whys, but instead, focus on how you see God in what you read.” Yes, that is exactly what I needed…and I didn’t even know…

The year before Covid, we found ourselves needing to leave our church of 20 years for a multitude of reasons, mostly that it wasn’t the right fit anymore. We began to attend another church and loved parts of it, had questions and unrest about other parts. Then Covid happened and the church we had started to attend fell silent, in every way.

Feeling lost and unmoored, I felt drawn to the Psalms and our former pastor told me to look up Steve Carter on Instagram. Steve has a story of his own, one of beauty and a season of tremendous loss. But as I randomly looked him up, I didn’t know. “The Evening Psalms,” brought me to tears in the personal style in which Steve shared the back story on Psalm 1; the beauty of God and how parched I had become without connecting with Jesus and the Bible.

For the last 2+years, Steve has been our family pastor, though we have yet to meet in person. We all have leaned into and on his preaching, teaching and passion for Jesus Christ. And, we honestly are better for it. But about a month before Christmas, our kids began to express a desire again to “go to a church.” We found ourselves visiting a church we’d been told about often and funny enough, the church I’d grown up in. “Church shopping” is so hard and out of all of us, I was the most hesitant. As we walked in the first day, we were greeted warmly by so many, enveloped in genuine care, interest and gladness that we were there. It was as if Jesus stood so close and reminded me how much he loves us; and how close he had come.

So, here we were, finding our way and connecting with a new church community, deepening our love and relationship with Jesus anew and then “The Bible Recap” is on every other post…I am simply in awe at all the ways God pursues, ALL the things I DON’T understand and ALL the many things I want to.

This week, while reading 1 Samuel, the host discussed how though Israel had “shaky faith,” God is with them. “The enemy loves to attack when we are moving toward obedience” she said. Samuel placed stones near the river, following deliverance from yet another enemy, calling the spot, Ebenezer, meaning, “thus far the Lord has helped me.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since listening to Day 99. My shaky faith, God’s faithfulness and how he continues to pursue. Absolutely humbled and so grateful. And every day, I can’t wait to hear more of the story. Thus far, the Lord has helped me indeed. Please Jesus, don’t EVER stop.