“Everyone falls down. Getting back up is how you learn to walk.” – Walt Disney

(Disney/life series part 3)

Can we talk for a few minutes about falling down?

Maybe that question conjures a giggle, an image of slapstick comedy and humor. Maybe it makes you think of skydiving, bungee jumping or other forms of speeding toward the earth and falling.

For others, the question may evoke more real life, the fear of pain, broken bones or profound embarrassment. The older I get, the more fear, concern and discussion I hear about falling. Perhaps it is just me getting older or the fear for others is becoming more evident.

Sometimes at medical appointments, one of the standard “check-in” questions is, “are you at risk for falling?” To be very honest, I never know how to answer. Someone with CP typically has more risk of falling than someone without CP. The reality is, we ALL fall down or have the risk of falling, don’t we? As I and those around me age, I hear and see more tentative and concentrated efforts to manage steps, crowds or getting around in general.

Maybe I take the question a bit too literally…or maybe I don’t.

I’ve talked many times about the awareness and presence I am finding on social media about other CP warriors who spend time putting out real life content on various platforms: from adults who take athleticism to new heights and perspectives, modeling a new framework for those with and without CP, to moms with CP who exemplify the realities of this particular disability. They then soar above those realities by modeling the same love, devotion and fierce drive to care for themselves and their beloveds. One of the ways I am experiencing this incredible community of warriors is the content that simply normalizes the difficulties…

Falling, trying, crashing, trying again, and again and again. One account normalized how hard it is to simply stand up from a sitting position sometimes because CP muscles can tense and not preform what we ask. Another, told by a proud dad of his daughter on The Moth, talked about how his daughter describes, “Dad, we just get back up when we fall.” To see and hear the honesty of explaining life within these bodies leaves me proud and in awe.

We continue….succeeding, achieving, falling, trying and on and on… in other words, living.

It’s not just CP. That is all of us, isn’t it? It’s just not the norm that we ALL portray.

On our recent trip to Disney, I ran across this quote from Walt himself that I’d never seen before. For obvious reasons, it takes on a bit for meaning for me with cerebral palsy. In 2024 I am still surprised how often I hear perfectionism on the daily. “I am supposed to have it all together.” “I should know how to do this already!” “I shouldn’t make mistakes,” and so many other cognitive distortions. It is so difficult to give ourselves grace…and allowance to be human beings: fallible, wonderous, in progress and not perfect. I have actually made a rule with clients that should is not allowed in our sessions (with all kinds of kindness.)

The thing that jumps out at me with Walt’s quote above, is that he understood how important being human IS in our journey of growth and change. In countless Disney movies (if not all,) we see the normalcy and example of growing, falling, being challenged, trying, falling and trying again.

When I was little, I went to the Voetburgs after school while my mom worked as a nurse in a nearby pediatrician’s office. They were a neighboring family who were friends of my parents. While I interacted very little with their older kids, they had a son named Tim who I did spend time with. He had CP as well, was in a wheelchair and also was non-verbal. But as I close my eyes at this moment, I can see Tim’s smile, hear his throaty laugh and also remember how I could not understand how we both had CP. I remember feeling a bit guilty when I went there and saw Tim because I had an easier time in my journey than he did and I absolutely did not know how to verbalize it.

After I got to their house, ate a snack and said hi to Timmy, I would next ask Pat to put the record of the Rescuers on their turntable. It was my favorite, an exact recording of the movie and I knew the whole thing word for word. I would curl up on the floor with the liner notes and the “lyrics” and listen to the whole story from beginning to end, day after day. To this day I can hear Bob Newhart and Eva Gabor’s Bernard and Bianca, their friends in the swamp, the theme of the Rescue Aid Society and Snoops, trying so hard to please the unpleasable Medusa.

What I realize in light of Walt’s quote though is how the story of two (or many) mice trying to rescue a little girl is the same falling, trying, falling, facing challenges and ultimately prevailing is the formula that Walt so believed in. Bernard is insecure, a bit awkward and not the best looking mouse in the bunch. His nerves and fear often get in his way, yet, it is his true character that allows him to try, try again. Penny, who is in need of rescue, tries, fights, hopes and finally, is seen for the brave individual she is. There are examples of facing fear, believing in themselves, letting others help, and finally, good triumphs over evil.

Aladdin teaches us through his misguided attempt to hide his true selves that we must try and fall in many ways to learn who we really are. I love hearing Robin William’s enunciated admonishment, “BEEEEEE yourself” that reminds us of the true journey.

Simba, after the tragic death of his father and malicious lies fed to him by Scar, tries with all his being to “forget the past” without truly addressing it. It is understandable, especially after listening to Hakuna Matata! But as we know, we truly can’t ignore any part of the life that has been given or the parts that have happened to us. It just doesn’t work…

Simba then models the same, falling, trying, literally crawling to become his true self.

Again, if you are reading, you may say, geez, lady, you are reading a lot into animated movies essentially created for kids. Maybe so…

But my instincts tell me that there are a lot of adults that identify with the formula that Disney is masterful at: the story of a hero/heroine who is faced with difficulty, watching the journey unfold in a myriad of ways, the falling, trying, falling, ultimately prevailing and always in Disney fashion, all with the help of a great support system.

To me, this is how we all live life in the real world too. It is estimated that 40-60% of individuals who fight substance addiction will relapse at least 1 time. The relapse rate for those dealing with asthma and hypertension following treatment is 50-70% One quick glance into the issue of weight loss and the multitude of efforts, shows that the cycle of trying, losing, gaining, giving up, trying losing and giving up is currently at epidemic proportions in the US.

Yet, we all want to feel hope. We all want, truly want, to feel the acceptance, love and support of being ok to try, fall, get back up, try again. If you really consider it, the vulnerability in all of those things is both SO DIFFICULT and truly, the space in which we all want someone to cheer us on, love us through and believe in us NO MATTER WHAT. I know it personally, I know it professionally. And do you know what else?

I know it from a very personal, spiritual level as well. Jesus, as I know him is the only no matter what. I could tell you so many ways and so many instances, but I am already getting long in this post. There is story in the Bible about Jesus meeting a woman at a well. She has had an excruciating road of failed relationships and just seems to me to be in such pain. Because there are no coincidences with Jesus, ever, her meets her right where she is, with empathy, love and truth. He tells her simply there is the sweetest of relationships just waiting for her, with him. That HE is the true contentment that she is seeking. He is love. (I paraphrased this like crazy, if you want to read it, look up John 4:5-42. It’s beautiful and full of incredible truth.)

God is good. We get to learn by falling, getting up, falling and trying again. We can help each other in the process, because we all want help, when we are brave enough to be vulnerable and ask for it. And growing? That feels pretty amazing too…

Both/And

xoxo