Quite simply, Both/And means to hold more than one, often conflicting emotions at the same time.
I began to understand this idea while processing my own feelings about various subjects while I was in graduate school, doing my own work. Since then, I have tried to normalize the idea of having multiple, sometimes conflicting emotions, at the very same time. Our culture sometimes teaches that emotions themselves are “bad” and that if we DO have any negative ones, we better hurry up and deal with that.
As I began to understand that I was rarely, if ever, that one dimensional with my own emotions, it became one of the primary things I taught brave clients and occasionally good friends. It became a vessel for contentment and movement toward helping ourselves figure out HOW to deal with those conflicting emotions instead of just pushing them down.
My writing is full of Both/And EVERYWHERE and how embracing the polar opposites can finally help us be well with all of our feelings.
It is usually very honest (and human, including the occasional swear) and seeking the good, Jesus and hope. That is almost always the both/and for me.
If you visit here often, you WILL certainly hear me talk about Mr. Rogers. (I promise, you will!) My very favorite quote of his embodies both/and beautifully:
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
It’s not that I don’t agree with people’s right to choose. I say it all the time, to brave clients to my kids, to myself. We each DO get to choose. I have spent months processing the strain and stress of this election cycle with those in every part of my life: friends, family, clients, […]
I wrote this Monday, but for some reason had difficulty publishing it… She smiled at me, eyes full of depth, love and joy. “Mama, you are always there for us.” My heart jumped up to my throat in that very second. The dialogue in my mind was so ready to argue the minute she said […]
I find myself in a strange, yet lovely and new spot as I age. I am far more accepting of myself, the roles that I am called to, the ways these change like the tide and the ways they are beautifully and achingly the same. My role as “mom,” is ever-changing as my kids also […]
It is our oldest daughter’s senior year of high school. We are in the first of “lasts,” feeling both excitement and grief…the now and not yet. SO MANY both/ands, the ones I have walked through many times with clients and this year, am experiencing myself. It is with profound excitement and tremendous reflection and sorrow […]
Washington Highlights (part 5) I did not intend to write this much detail about our trip; honestly, I feel a bit self-indulgent. To write and share at least 5 parts, I wonder if people really want to hear about the details or if this is just another authentic part of the blog, vacation memories for […]
Washington DC highlights, (Part 4). If you’ve been to DC, you know what I’m talking about when I say the city itself could be a study in saturation. From the people, sounds, colors and everything in and outside – Washington for us was a week full of blessing, rich pictures of God’s delight, sovereignty and […]
Have you ever had a someday? What I mean is, have you ever said to yourself, “someday, I will be ready for that role. Someday, I will pursue that dream or be prepared enough to take on that challenge. Someday, my _______ will be right, and then I will be happy. Someday, when I meet______ […]
Washington trip highlights (Part 3) It is pure joy to remember our trip and put the many thoughts and connections from my heart into this format. It is one of my favorite ways of making meaning. Have you heard that phrase before, making meaning? (Meaning making” designates the process by which people interpret situations, events, objects, […]
After we left Pittsburgh, our travels took us through the rest Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia and finally into Washington DC. Our youngest daughter, who has always struggled with motion sickness, forgot about her worried tummy as we took in the scenery. This was not a trip we’d ever taken as a family, so the colors, the […]